Why oh why?

I can never remember not wanting to go to Haiti. For some reason, a thought, a seed was planted years ago that Haiti was simply somewhere I had to go.

It's hard to explain and there's very little rationale behind it--some, but very little. I can begin to rationalize it by saying it's the poorest country in the western hemisphere surrounded by countries of wealth (in comparison) and a mere hop, skip, and jump from the mightiest of them all, the US. Despite its neighbors, Haiti is home to a population where 70% live on less than $2 a day. It is a country that continues to struggle with the devastating effects of mother nature and in many minds has been written off as a lost cause, an impossible, hopeless land. And maybe this is where the two initial reasons play out. First, I don't think I believe in lost causes at all. Any situation that is labelled as a lost cause immediately calls me forth because I wholeheartedly believe that there is hope and possibility in every situation, in every person, and in every land. I believe in the power of hope and possibility and the strength of people coming together for a common good. I love the underdog and his or her story and desperately try to see the potential, the possibility in them. No one or nowhere is a lost cause. And secondly, I am completely confounded by how Haiti has found itself where it is. I want to know why it's resources have been stripped away, why corruption runs rampant, and why development has had such a hard time finding fertile ground in this land. I want to understand it--and yes, in one week I will probably leave with more questions than answers, but it's a start.

Another rationale may be a selfish desire for challenge. So many times I find myself comfortable with occasional bumps along the way but generally undisturbed, content. I don't want to be comfortable. I want to be challenged by what I see. I want to be challenged to share love when my heart is breaking, to be overwhelmed by a new language and a new land, and to work with and share with a team of people I do not know. I want to be scared, to be nervous, and to have that invigorating question filled feeling of aliveness.

Of course, I want to give and maybe even help. I know that the impact of one week and a handful of visits may not be huge, but I hope that a presence of love and compassion may help sustain the work of the organization and also beautifully burden me with the stories, the awareness, and the plight of those I meet. I want to befriend, laugh with, play with, and be a source of love to those I meet--knowing fully that they may be an even greater source of love to me.

All these reasons can explain why I would want to go to Haiti or any other developing country for that matter, but in my mind and more importantly my heart, these reasons merely scratch the surface of my desire to go to Haiti. Call it a calling, a voice, an attraction or simply an insatiable appetite for adventure--but for me, going to Haiti is a response to a deep soul-drawing call that beckons me forth.

I don't know what I will find, but I can't wait.